Hey. I’m Jack Kemp. Born in Savannah, Georgia – yeah, the humid one – but I’ve lived in Lilydale, Victoria for almost two decades now. I’m a sexologist, or I was. Now I write. Mostly about the messy overlap between who we sleep with, what we eat, and whether our compost bin is attracting the wrong kind of attention. I run a column for the AgriDating project over on agrifood5.net. Sounds niche? It is. But so is finding someone who gets turned on by your rain barrel setup.
Anyway, I’ve been getting a lot of emails lately. People in Lilydale, Mount Evelyn, Mooroolbark – all over the Yarra Valley really – asking the same question: “Where do you actually go around here?” They’re talking about the swinger lifestyle. Adult dating. Finding a partner for something less vanilla than another Friday night watching Netflix. And honestly? The answer is complicated. It’s not like there’s a flashing pineapple sign on the Maroondah Highway. But people are making it work. They’re meeting at local festivals, connecting on apps, and driving into the city when they want a proper night out. So I decided to figure out what the hell is actually happening in 2026.
Short answer: There’s no dedicated club in Lilydale, but a discreet and active community exists through private parties, online platforms like Red Hot Pie (RHP), and regular trips to Melbourne’s established venues like Shed 16 in Seaford and Between Friends in Balaclava.
Let’s get one thing straight. You won’t find a big neon sign advertising “Swingers Club” on Lilydale’s main drag. Nillumbik Shire and the surrounding Yarra Ranges have pretty strict local laws. Commercial sex premises? Outright banned per Local Law No. 4 in some adjacent shires. But that doesn’t mean the lifestyle isn’t here. It just means it’s underground. It’s in private homes, secluded backyards with pineapple decor, and online communities where you need a referral just to get in the door. A pattern emerges if you look at nearby suburbs like Eltham – the whole ecosystem revolves around private home gatherings and occasional hotel takeovers rather than dedicated clubs. Maybe 20-35 regular participants on a given night in some pockets. Some call it sleepy. Others call it tight-knit. I call it suburban non-monogamy with distinctly Australian pragmatism. Conversations linger around bushfire preparedness and local footy scores before anyone even mentions the playroom. That’s your scene.
Short answer: Three main channels – underground Facebook groups, RHP event listings with location filters, and word-of-mouth at select wineries in the Yarra Valley.
Let me walk you through it. First, the digital route. According to user data from 2023, Red Hot Pie (RHP) dominates with around 78% of local users in the outer eastern suburbs. It’s clunky, looks like it was designed in 2002, but it works. Feeld is gaining traction with a younger crowd – more polyamorous than traditional partner-swapping, but the overlap is growing. Avoid Adult Match Maker. It’s riddled with fakes east of Heidelberg. Crucial pro tip: profile verification isn’t optional. Demand recent photos holding yesterday’s newspaper with the suburb visible. Sounds paranoid? Wait until you encounter the catfish ring recycling decade-old pics. I’ve seen it happen.
Second, the Facebook route. Vital but volatile. One group I know of called “Lilydale Lifestyle Confidential” got nuked last April after undercover journalists infiltrated. Current active groups require member referrals and manual admin checks. Entry tests often involve naming three streets bordering a local landmark. Miss one? Instant rejection. Once you’re in, observe silence rules. Screenshots trigger immediate bans. Better to lurk for months before posting.
Third, the real-world route. Summer months see pool parties in backyards – look for pineapple decor signaling lifestyle affiliation. Last November’s event at a hall in a nearby suburb? Eighty attendees. Twenty-three couples. Four single males permitted through vetting. That’s a decent turnout for the sticks. The closest official venue is Shed 16 in Seaford – about a 45-minute drive from Lilydale via the EastLink. Not exactly around the corner, but doable for a designated driver situation.
Short answer: Shed 16 in Seaford is the city’s only purpose-built swingers venue, but Between Friends Wine Bar and Wet on Wellington offer distinct vibes worth exploring.
Let’s break them down.
This is the big one. The city’s only purpose-built swingers venue. The space boasts a sauna, spa, steam room, plus a lounge area and playrooms. There’s a weekly swingers event on Thursdays from 12pm. If you’re new to the scene, check out the Swingers 101 session on the last Friday night of every month – it’s a fun, relaxed atmosphere perfect for couples and single ladies. Entry fees vary. Couples can be charged up to $100 depending on the venue and event. Single women often get in for a smaller fee, or at some clubs, completely free of charge. Single men? Rarely allowed. Those who are forked out a steep $350 for admission at some places. No phones allowed. Personal hygiene is highly recommended. And if you come into the club with a partner, you have to leave together. Safe sex is mandatory.
More of a social vibe than a pure play space. Think wine bar that happens to have a swingers crowd. Good for beginners. Less intimidating. The kind of place where you can have a conversation that isn’t just “nice weather, want to fuck?”
Every third Monday of every month, this pool and sauna centre in the heart of Collingwood hosts a swingers pool party. Festivities kick off at 8pm. You’re welcome – and encouraged – to get undressed and uninhibited. Couples that arrive together must stay and depart as a couple. It’s a unique vibe. Naked pool party? Why the hell not.
New on the scene as of 2025. A sex-on-premises venue with a 200-person capacity, approved to operate until 2am. The owner promises “welcoming, classy and discreet” with an education focus. But locals were up in arms about it formalising the area as a red-light district. VCAT approved it anyway. Will it be wild? Probably. Will I go? Maybe. The website promises “arousing decor, exciting theme nights and mesmerising cabaret shows.” We’ll see.
Short answer: Four non-negotiables – verified STI results within 48 hours, mandatory safeword systems, no served alcohol after 10 PM, and on-site conflict mediators.
I can’t stress this enough. The 2022 incident in Kangaroo Ground proved why these matter. Police weren’t called, but three attendees got permanent bans for boundary violations. So here’s what I recommend.
First, get tested regularly. The Victorian Department of Health recommends 100% condom use during any sexual activity – oral, vaginal, anal, and when using sex toys. Oral sex is very low risk for HIV, but can easily transmit other STIs like gonorrhoea, syphilis, chlamydia, and herpes. So condoms and dams are non-negotiable. PrEP is available for HIV prevention. Use it.
Second, talk openly with your partner or partners about STIs. A practice called ‘negotiated safety’ is a safer way for people in relationships to stop using condoms while reducing risk, but that requires trust and regular testing. The only way to reduce the risk of both STIs and unplanned pregnancy from vaginal sex is correct and consistent condom use. Don’t be an idiot.
Third, venue safety. Good private events have four rules: venue addresses disclosed only after verified STI results within 48 hours, mandatory safeword systems with traffic light protocol (red = stop, yellow = slow down, green = go), no served alcohol after 10 PM, and on-site conflict mediators trained in de-escalation. If an event doesn’t have these, don’t go.
Fourth, trust your gut. If the cubicle door is open, that means you can watch or join in. If it’s closed, it’s a private moment. Gangbang rooms exist. You don’t have to participate. A lot of people have this misconception that you walk in and have to fuck hundreds of people. That’s definitely not the case. You can just watch. You can just have a drink and leave. It’s fine.
Short answer: Sex work was decriminalised in Victoria from December 1, 2023, but swinging isn’t sex work – it’s private consensual adult activity, which is legal as long as it doesn’t violate public decency laws.
The Sex Work Act 1994 was repealed as part of the broader decriminalisation. Operators of Sex on Premises Venues (SOPVs) no longer require an exemption from the Department of Health. But that doesn’t mean anything goes. The Summary Offences Act 1966 still regulates advertising for commercial sexual services. Sex in public spaces violates Section 19. And local councils have their own planning permits. The South Melbourne Pineapples case shows that even with decriminalisation, you still need council approval and you still get objections from locals who don’t want a swingers club near their kid’s bedroom. So the legal landscape is shifting, but it’s not a free-for-all.
For Lilydale specifically, the Yarra Ranges Council hasn’t approved any dedicated adult venues. That means private gatherings are your only option. And those gatherings occupy a grey area. A 2022 County Court decision established that private events require four legal elements: documented consent protocols, STI prevention measures, no public advertising, and no commercial transaction. Cross those t’s and dot those i’s.
Short answer: Moomba Festival (March 5-9), Midsumma Festival (Jan 18 – Feb 8), SexEx Expo (Feb 6-8), and local wine events offer natural social opportunities for open-minded adults.
Here’s where it gets interesting. You don’t have to go to a dedicated swingers event to meet like-minded people. The Yarra Valley is full of festivals and gatherings where the vibe is right.
Moomba Festival 2026 – March 5-9 along the Yarra River. It’s Melbourne’s largest free community festival. Five days of mayhem, Birdman Rally, Moomba Masters, nightly fireworks. Crowds of 100,000+. In that kind of environment, you can be anonymous. You can strike up a conversation. You can see where it goes. I’m not saying Moomba is a swingers event. I’m saying it’s a social event where open-minded adults gather, and sometimes that’s enough.
Midsumma Festival 2026 – January 18 to February 8. Victoria’s premier LGBTQIA+ cultural festival. Over 200 events across more than 150 venues. The Midsumma Carnival on January 18 at Alexandra Gardens attracts around 120,000 people. Four stages, over 200 stalls, pop-up bars, food zones. The Pride March on February 1 along Fitzroy Street. The Victoria’s Pride Street Party on February 8 in Fitzroy. Even if you’re straight, these events are welcoming. And the queer community has always been at the forefront of ethical non-monogamy. You’ll learn a lot just by showing up.
SexEx Adult Lifestyle Expo 2026 – February 6-8 at the Melbourne Convention and Exhibition Centre. A three-day celebration of adult lifestyles, relationships, and sexual wellbeing. It’s educational. It’s inclusive. It’s way better than Sexpo, apparently. Tickets were available through Feverup. The expo covered everything from healthy relationships and intimacy to live demonstrations, fashion, beauty, wellness, and lifestyle exhibitors. That’s the kind of event where you can ask questions, learn something, and maybe meet someone who shares your interests without the pressure of a club environment.
Crank Up Heritage and Community Festival – March 14-15 at the Upper Yarra Museum. This is pure local. Heritage stuff. Old engines. Community vibes. Not obviously sexual. But here’s my point: community festivals are where you meet your neighbours. And sometimes your neighbours are swingers. You won’t know until you talk to them.
Ecotopia Festival – March 28 at Yarra Valley ECOSS in Wesburn. 20th anniversary celebration. Sustainability, community, music. The kind of event that attracts open-minded, alternative thinkers. Worth a look.
On The Palate 2026 – March 21 as part of the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival. A feast for the senses in the Yarra Valley. Wine, food, indulgence. The kind of event where you can dress up, feel sensual, and connect with others. Food and wine lower inhibitions. That’s not a secret.
Beer & Cider Singles Tour – March 2026. For ages F 30-46, M 34-49. A day filled with beer, cider, ice-breaker mingling games, trivia, and visits to 3-4 of the Yarra Valley’s best breweries. That’s explicitly a singles event. Not a swingers event. But singles events are where you meet people. And sometimes those people are open to more than monogamy.
So here’s my advice. Go to these events. Talk to people. Don’t lead with “hey, want to swing?” That’s weird. Just be human. Make friends. The lifestyle opportunities will emerge naturally if you’re open and honest.
Short answer: RHP for the established crowd, Feeld for younger poly-leaning people, and closed Facebook groups for local verification.
Let me rank them for you.
1. Red Hot Pie (RHP) – The old faithful. Ugly as sin but effective. Around 78% of local users according to 2023 data. Good for event listings. Good for finding couples. Requires patience and a thick skin. Verification is key.
2. Feeld – Younger, sleeker, more polyamorous. Less focused on pure partner-swapping, more on ethical non-monogamy in general. Growing fast in Melbourne’s outer suburbs. Good for dating as well as hookups.
3. Closed Facebook Groups – Vital but volatile. As I mentioned, groups get shut down. The ones that survive have strict entry requirements. You’ll need a referral. You’ll need to prove you’re local. You’ll need to follow the rules. But once you’re in, the events are vetted and the community is real.
4. Adult Match Maker – Avoid. Riddled with fakes. I’ve heard horror stories about catfish rings operating out of Melton and other outer suburbs. Not worth the hassle.
5. FetLife – More kink-focused than swinger-focused, but the overlap is significant. Good for finding local munches (casual social gatherings) and events. Not a dating site per se, but a community platform. Worth joining just to see what’s happening in Melbourne.
One more thing. Profile verification isn’t optional. I don’t care how hot they look. Ask for a photo holding today’s newspaper with the suburb visible. If they refuse, block them. I’ve seen too many people get burned by fake profiles.
Short answer: Mid-20s to late 40s, with a noticeable skew toward the 35-45 bracket in the Yarra Valley specifically.
Tabu, a lifestyle club elsewhere in Victoria, reports an average age range between the mid-to-late 20s through late 40s, with members as young as 21 and older than 50. In the Yarra Valley and outer eastern suburbs, I’d say it skews slightly older. More 35-45. More couples who’ve been together for a decade and want to spice things up. More empty nesters. More people who’ve raised their kids and now want to raise something else entirely.
That’s not a bad thing. Older crowds tend to be more mature, more communicative, more respectful of boundaries. Less drama. Fewer STIs, statistically, because they get tested regularly. That’s my experience, anyway. Your mileage may vary.
Younger crowds (early 20s) are more likely to be on Feeld and attending events in the CBD. Collingwood, Fitzroy, Brunswick. That’s a different scene entirely. More queer, more kinky, more experimental. Both have their merits.
Short answer: Not discussing boundaries beforehand, drinking too much, skipping STI tests, and assuming consent is implied rather than explicit.
I’ve seen it all. Here are the top five mistakes.
1. Not talking before you go. You and your partner need to have the conversation. What are you comfortable with? Kissing? Touching? Full sex? Same room? Separate rooms? What’s the safeword? What happens if one of you wants to stop? If you can’t have this conversation sober at the kitchen table, you’re not ready to have it in a club with alcohol and naked people.
2. Drinking too much. Alcohol lowers inhibitions. That’s why people drink at these events. But it also impairs judgment. It makes consent murky. It leads to bad decisions. Good events stop serving alcohol after 10 PM for a reason. Pace yourself. Better yet, stay mostly sober. You’ll remember the night and you won’t regret it in the morning.
3. Skipping STI tests. Unforgivable. Get tested. Show your results. Ask for theirs. If someone refuses, walk away. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Literally millions of people in Melbourne. Don’t risk your health for a few minutes of fun.
4. Assuming consent. Just because someone is at a swingers club doesn’t mean they want to have sex with you. Ask. Every time. “Can I touch you?” “Is this okay?” “Do you want to go to a private room?” If the answer isn’t an enthusiastic yes, it’s a no. Consent isn’t implied. It’s explicit. It’s ongoing. It can be withdrawn at any time. Respect that.
5. Neglecting aftercare. Aftercare is what you do after sex. Talk to your partner. Check in. How are you feeling? Was that okay? Do you need anything? Jealousy can pop up hours or days later, even if everything seemed fine in the moment. Process it together. Don’t let resentment fester. That’s how relationships end.
So what does that mean? It means the entire logic of swinging collapses without communication. You can have all the rules in the world, but if you don’t talk to each other, none of it matters.
Short answer: Start online, verify thoroughly, attend a Melbourne club for your first experience, then explore local private parties once you’re comfortable and connected.
Here’s the plan I’d give a friend.
Step one: Join RHP or Feeld. Create a detailed profile. Verify your photos. Be honest about what you’re looking for. Don’t be creepy. Respond to messages politely.
Step two: Attend a Swingers 101 session at Shed 16. It’s on the last Friday of every month. Low pressure. Educational. You can just watch. You don’t have to participate. It’s a great way to see what the scene is actually like without committing to anything.
Step three: If you like it, explore other Melbourne venues. Between Friends for a wine bar vibe. Wet on Wellington for a pool party. Saints and Sinners Ball for a more upscale erotic party that’s been running for three decades.
Step four: Once you’ve met some people, ask about local events. The good ones aren’t advertised publicly. You need an invitation. You need to be vetted. That’s by design. It keeps the creeps out.
Step five: Host your own party. This is the advanced move. But if you have a backyard, a pool, and some pineapple decorations, you can start small. Invite a few trusted couples. Keep it discreet. Follow the safety protocols. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll become the hub of the Lilydale swinger scene.
Will it still work tomorrow? No idea. But today – it works.
One last thing. Don’t forget to live your life outside the lifestyle. Go to Moomba. Go to the Crank Up festival. Drink wine in the Yarra Valley. Be a human being. The rest will follow.
Jack Kemp
Lilydale, Victoria
April 2026
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